No surprise here, it’s money.
And even less of a shocker, whether you’re in a relationship or not, money is the #1 problem that individuals fixate on and live their lives based upon.
The interesting thing with money is that the amount you have does not necessarily change how you act or how you feel about it. You could feel very secure and happy with $1000 or $100,000, and you can feel lost, uncertain, and out of control with $10 or $1,000,000. It’s all relative, and people tend to follow the same patterns no matter how much or how little they have. We as humans are constantly raising our standards. We raise our standards for what it means to be fit, to be wealthy, to be happy. It’s a gift and a curse. On one hand this way of raising our standards motivates us to grow and improve, but on the other hand it can be a sure-fire way to never feel successful and fulfilled.
Now the real reason that money is biggest cause of arguments is because of the emotion tied into it. For most people, money equals certainty. It equals safety, security, freedom and assurance. So if you have all those values tied into this one thing (money) then the response is going to be heightened and that much more dramatic when something goes wrong. This is why someone who is usually level-headed, mild-mannered and calm, can become the exact opposite once money is part of the equation. It has to do with our built-in need of certainty. Guess what emotion is a great way to get certainty? Spoiler alert, it’s anger. By getting angry and putting blame on our spouse, we get our certainty back. Life is going to throw curve-balls at every relationship, there will be times of uncertainty, the key is to understand what we’re really after.
If all of your certainty is tied into your financial status, then you are playing a dangerous game of Jenga. Much like if you are getting all of your love and connection from your dog. Eventually, unfortunately, your dog will pass away within 8-15 years. Then you have nothing to fill that void and nothing to tick the boxes of love & connection.
Is money and financial freedom and security important? Of course it is. It is hugely important and vital in our world. Is it the one aspect that we should base our lives around? Hell no. Meet your needs of certainty through a number of different ways, so that when one of those ways struggles, you still have lots to fall back on. Think of a well-diversified needs portfolio.
Life Coaching in Toronto can help teach you to master your emotions, therefore mastering your behavior and your life. Realize that the reason money is such a sticky subject in relationships is because of the emotion associated with it.