Relationships: The Meadow Report

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Have you ever had the experience when you’re either listening to or telling a story to your partner about something “bad” or “unforeseen” that happened that day, and before the story is even over you’ve both become frustrated and angry at each other and  proceed to give the silent treatment for the next few minutes or hours?

This is incredibly common.  Realistically it probably happens once every 2-3 weeks for most couples.  So what happens?  The short answer is that the guy or more masculine one in the relationship will listen to the story, and start trying to find the problem and fix it.  While the girl or more feminine partner, will feel like they’re not being listened to and interrupted and then withhold from telling them future stories.

So we have one partner who listens to the story for a few minutes, then starts searching for the solution to the problem, then offers that solution because they believe that is what is needed to fix this problem.  And they love their partner, so they don’t want them to be in any emotional or mental or physical pain.  From a guy’s perspective, this is a classic fixer upper scenario.  From a girl’s perspective, it is a disaster.

This is where knowledge of the Meadow Report can change lives.

Back in the day (thousands of years ago), we were all part of hunter-gatherer societies. The men were the hunters, the women were the gatherers.  Men generally went out with a spear, or a club, took care of business, and drug the carcass back to the cave, and were done.  Someone else dealt with it then.  So men are wired to go out, solve a problem, take care of business, and be done.  We do lots of things that way.

Women, being the gatherers, would go out into the meadows, find the ripe berries, roots, leaves, whatever, and bring them back to the cave. But then they also needed to share the information about where the berries were located with the other gatherers in the tribe; “Go out to the second meadow past the stream, by the big rock, and then there is this bush, about 30 paces past the little ant hill, and then you want the berries from the bush on the left, not the right, and be sure to get the ones that are just the right shade of red …” you get the idea.

For both the men and the women, this way of interaction and communication was life and death.  The hunters would never have all that much to say about the hunt, because after-all, every hunt is different, there is no right path to take that will take you to a deer or rabbit, it’s always random.  Whereas for the gatherers,  there is a perfect formula and list of instructions that are needed.  Because what if they skipped just a few minor details, and then someone else went and instead of grabbing this type of berry, they grabbed the poisonous one that looked just like it.  So women are wired to go out and observe all sorts of things, and make sure they have every detail, and then bring the information back and share it with everyone.

In both cases, high degrees of each skill, male and female, related directly to the prosperity, and even survival, of the clan. The best hunters, the best gatherers, led to the strongest and most successful tribes. So, ladies and gents, we are genetically wired to be this way.  Men are not hairy women, and women are not hairless men who can multitask.  We are very different.

This is where the Meadow Report relates back to our present lives and can have profound effects on our relationships.

Gentlemen, two things: The Meadow Report does not have to be something you fix; and, she doesn’t care whether you remember it or not. She needs to share it with you. You must listen to it, but she expects no action from you as a result (usually).  In fact most of the time she has already figured out the solution and it has been taken care of.

Ladies, we men sometimes forget that you are delivering a Meadow Report and we will try, in vain, to solve some problem we perceive you have; understand it is how we are wired. We are here to solve problems, break through, and have peace. We are not designed to listen for more than a few hundred seconds (but we’re working on it). Your survival depended on listening and sharing; our survival depended on hunting down and killing things.

Understanding these differences and appreciating them  for what they are can be such a huge help in a romantic relationship.  Imagine knowing why your partner does the things they do, and knowing why you do the things you do.  It changes the game, and it is a game.

 

 

 

 

Toronto Life Coach

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